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Hey You - Watch Your Mouth!
By Chris Widener
Do you remember the first time you used a little "blue"
language as a child... and your mother caught you? I do!
"Hey You - Watch Your Mouth!"
Maybe you got a quick swat or the bar of soap in your mouth? The results varied
from person to person, but what is interesting to me is why our parents reacted
they way they did and the lesson there is for us today. Isn't it true that the
main reason parents react to the improper use of the mouth is because certain
language is not only improper, but brings about bad results? If you use that
kind of language in the first grade for example, uh, like I used to, you are
surely to be removed from class.
The principle: The words of your mouth produce results.
This is a lesson for us as adults as well. There is an old proverb that says,
"The tongue has the power of life and death." This is a universal truth! Have
you ever thought about the way you use your mouth and the results that you see
from it? Now, I am not saying that your words have some sort of mystical,
magical power. I am talking about how the words you use affect both you and the
others around you, which in turn produces results in your life, either positive
or negative. Here are some examples of ways people sabotage themselves with
their mouths and some ways to reverse that trend and create success for
yourself.
(A note: While this article deals with very practical ideas, I also want to say
that my overriding theory of why we shouldn't speak in bad ways is because
people have inherent value and are to be honored no matter who they are. So,
while I give practical reasons for speaking in right ways, the overriding reason
to do so is based not on what we get out of it, but because it is the right
thing to do.) With that said, here are the major problems people have with their
mouths:
1. Gossip. This may be one of the most ubiquitous problems there
is. People telling other people another person's business. And it usually isn't
very good. Very rarely does anyone pass along "good gossip."
The Result: Have you ever found out that someone passed along information
about you? How did you feel? Exactly my point. Did you want to do business with
them? Did you want to help them? Again, exactly my point. Stay away from the
harmful effects of gossip, first for the other person's sake, but ultimately for
yours.
The antidote: Never pass along gossip. If that person wants others to
know, they will tell them. If you start a sentence with, "Did you hear about..."
chances are that you are walking on the edge. Watch your mouth!
2. Rumors. Rumors are even worse (if it can be so) than gossip
because the person doesn't even know if the information is true. Rumors are
entirely reckless and do no good.
The Result: If you think people will dislike you, and stand in the way of
your success, because of gossip, imagine how they will feel when they find out
you were passing along untrue information about them! You will lose your friends
pretty quickly.
The antidote: If you choose to never gossip then you will never pass
along rumors either, which is good! Make it your policy to only speak good of
others, especially when speaking to others about people. The old saying is true:
If you don't have anything good to say about someone, don't say anything at all!
In other words - Watch your mouth!
3. Lying. It is strange to me how parents teach their children to
always tell the truth but many of them have for themselves a skewed
understanding of what it means to tell the truth. The average person feels it is
okay to sometimes lie. The only problem with this is that lying, for whatever
reason, can only do one thing: Break trust.
The Result: People will not trust you. They will wonder if you are
telling the truth. They will stay away from you when they know they need to
count on someone. But even worse in my mind is that you will not be able to
trust yourself. When we lie we teach ourselves that we are not trustworthy. The
other person may never know, but we will. And ultimately that hurts us and
stands in the way of our success.
The antidote: Always tell the truth. I know what some of you are
thinking: ALWAYS? Yes, always. But what if someone doesn't like what I have to
say? I didn't say you have to be a jerk, but being an adult means developing
relationships wherein you can tell the truth to someone, in a respectful way,
and still have a relationship. So yes, commit to speaking the truth to people at
all times. If it is a tough situation, then do it with even more respect. Or, an
alternative is to simply say, "I don't feel comfortable talking about this." In
all things - Watch your mouth!
4. Put downs. Most normal people aren't too bad at blatant put
downs. Where I see more of a problem is the back-handed compliment. Or the
behind the back put down. But still there are people who have no problem
speaking in tones and words that put down others and degrade them, for whatever
reason.
The Result: When you are a person who regularly puts down others, people
will have the same reaction: The will run, not walk, from you. People simply do
not want to be around others who speak this way. And they will not only not help
you along, they will, out of their hurt, actively oppose your advancement. So if
you want to cut your success short, speak ill of others.
The antidote: Only speak good of others. If they have a negative point,
focus instead on the good points. Talk about their strengths, not their
weaknesses. Tell them what is good about them, not what is bad about them. Watch
your mouth!
5. Poor-mouthing. I am always amazed at what I call
"Poor-mouthing." Rich people do it. Poor people do it. This is when you talk
about how poor you are and why you can't afford anything. The actuality that I
have found is that those who poor mouth CAN afford what they are talking about,
they just don't want to.
The Result: When people poor-mouth, a few things happen. First, you
confirm your poverty mentality. This hurts you. Second, people begin to be
disgusted by you, especially if they know how much you make and they think you
should be able to afford it. They will begin to roll their eyes at you and
disrespect you. I know what it means to not have much money. Fresh out of
college my wife and I didn't make much. We decided to never say that we couldn't
afford something. If we really couldn't, we just didn't mention anything at all.
The last thing I wanted was for someone to start playing the violins for my sob
story.
The antidote: Don't talk about how you can't afford something. What would
you be trying to accomplish anyway? If you can't afford something, keep quiet.
Now you may ask what to do if you are invited to something and you can't afford
it. Respectfully decline. You don't owe anyone an excuse. Just apologize and say
that you will be unable to attend but that you hope to do something with them in
the near future. Keep positive and watch your mouth!
6. Bragging. You know the type. Every sentence begins with "I...."
The guy whose middle name is "Let me tell you a story about myself." The woman
who has to top every story of yours. After a while all you hear is "Blah, blah,
blah." Bragging is usually based in insecurity and most people don't even know
they are doing it. That is unfortunate.
The Result: Braggers usually have a few different results. One, people
try to cut them down to size. Two, they avoid them. Three, they may sit there
looking attentive but are inside of their minds making plans for the
weekend. It is all they can do to keep their eyes from rolling back in their
head.
The antidote: Humility. Start as few sentences as possible with "I." Let
somebody else's story be the best one. Ask questions about other people for a
change. If they try to turn the conversation onto you, turn it back on to them!
Don't brag - watch your mouth!
7. Cussing. Not much needs to be said here. We all know what this
is. I am still surprised by how many people cuss and even in a business
situation. In my mind, it simply is intolerable. I don't know why someone would
cuss anymore than tell an off-color joke, but they do.
The Result: People cringe. More than that, cussing makes people question
your judgment. A boss will wonder whether or not you are going to offend someone
when he sends you on a sales call. Or a business associate may be reticent to
make an introduction to someone else for you. Cussing isn't good. It makes you
come off as crass and low class.
The antidote: Keep your language clean. Squeaky clean. Keep all bad
language out. The big question is: What will it hurt to keep it clean? But it
can hurt to say something you may regret later. No one will complain because you
talk well, but they may complain about your cussing. To put it another way -
watch your mouth!
Have you ever done a "watch your mouth" checklist and then worked on your
weaknesses? If not, here is one for you:
- Do you gossip?
- Do you pass along or start
rumors?
- Do you lie?
- Are you given to put-downs?
- Do you poor-mouth?
- Are you a braggart?
- Do you cuss?
Take some time to think about these things. If you can keep
your mouth in good shape and not only avoid the bad ways of speaking but master
the good ways of speaking, you will be well on your way to becoming a successful
person! Hey you - watch your mouth! Because if you do, you will achieve your
dreams!
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